so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
