arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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