we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
ttyl tear gas
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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