She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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