some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
