My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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