Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
