take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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