Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
