It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize