Got a toothbrush?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i barfeds in our rink
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
