At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
hell yes lets make some ravioli
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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