Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
