I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
