Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
