It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
