Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can't talk, ducks in the car
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
