it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
