Christians are straight up FREAKS
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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