I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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