Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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