I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize