i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Swine flu is the new snow day.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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