I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
