He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
