Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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