I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
