The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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