the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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