You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
