I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
me + whiskey = a bad person
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
