so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
