After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
