this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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