I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
