Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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