I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
