I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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