I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
