I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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