it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
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