I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And then my night got REAL pukey
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize