I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize