i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
