I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
