hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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