News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
