I'm so fucking centered right now
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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