she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
