and my herpes radar will keep us safe
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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