he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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