you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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