I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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