i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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