I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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