why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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