This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
