why do cheetos always look like penises
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
