I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
