I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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