Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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