and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize