I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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