I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
