I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
