woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
