and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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