Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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