Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
