i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
