Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
