If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
