And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize