so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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