Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
