She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
