hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
