He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
