you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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