I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i love accidental penises.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize