shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
