You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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