I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The adults are the big ones right?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
