can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
