Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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