why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize