Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
