He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
