so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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