i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
