I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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