It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
