I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
