Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
