You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
