so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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